Engage Community Church

What Causes Quarrels Among Us?

What is causing the quarrels and fights among you?

James 4

The REAL causes of my quarrels.

  • Other people are jerks!
  • Other people are selfish!
  • Other people get in the way
  • of what I want!

What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.” – James 4:1-3

Apart from God there is no really pleasure in life.

You adulterers! Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. Do you think the Scriptures have no meaning? They say that God is passionate that the spirit he has placed within us should be faithful to him.” – James 4:4-5

Only Jesus can save us from our wayward selves.

“But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” – James 4:6 (ESV)


“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2 (NIV)

  • To forgive one another.
  • To give you hope when there seems to be no reason to hope.
  • To fix what is wrong in your relationship.
  • To grow you (and the other person) through the conflict.
  • To make your relationships stronger because you went through conflict together.
  • To humble yourself

So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.” – James 4:7-10

Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you. 12 God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor?” – James 4:11-12

Three Don’ts

  • Don’t give up.
  • Don’t give up yourself.
  • Don’t give the Devil a foothold.